Raising a teenager can be one of the toughest and most demanding jobs there is, but the rewards can be amazing. Teens need adults in their lives who are there for them and show an interest in them – who make the effort to connect, communicate and spend time with them.
A positive experience requires that at some point, an adolescent’s primary adult caregiver talk with them about sex-related topics, including healthy relationships and the prevention of HIV, other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and pregnancy.
So how do you do that? Read on!
How can parents and guardians talk to their kids about sex?
Fortunately, this subject has been widely researched, and a number of programs in a variety of settings have been successful in increasing the amount and quality of communication between parents/guardians and their teens.
Perhaps the more important question is: Will talking to my kid about sex make any difference? According to research, as well as national surveys of teenagers, the answer is yes. Studies have found that teens who report talking with their parents or guardians about sex are more likely to delay having sex and less likely to engage in behaviors that place them at risk.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends that parents and guardians:
- Stay informed about where your teen is getting information and what health messages they may be learning; some of these may be more accurate than others.
- Identify unique opportunities to have conversations with your teen, such as:
- In the car – which offers a private space where your teen doesn’t have to look you in the eye but can hear what you have to say.
- Immediately following a relevant TV show or movie, in which the characters model behaviors or portray storylines that may provide the opportunity to reinforce positive behavior or to discuss the consequences of risky behavior.
- Through text messaging, which may provide an easy, acceptable way to reinforce messages discussed in person.
- Have frequent conversations. A series of discussions that begin early, happen often and continue over time can make more of a difference than a single conversation.
- Be relaxed and open. Talking with your teen about sex may not always be comfortable or easy, but you can encourage your teen to ask you questions, and be prepared to give fair and honest answers, thereby keeping the door open for future conversations. It’s OK to say you’re feeling uncomfortable or that you don’t have all the answers.
- Avoid overreacting. When your teen shares personal information with you, keep in mind that they may be asking for your input and wants to know how you feel. Let your teen know that you value their opinion, even if it’s different from yours.
- Provide opportunities for conversations between your teen and healthcare professionals. By taking your teen to regular, preventive care appointments and allowing time alone with the healthcare provider, you create opportunities for your teen to talk confidentially with doctors or nurses about health issues that may be of concern, including HIV, STDs and pregnancy. Be prepared to suggest that you step out of the room for a moment to allow for this time, as not all providers will feel comfortable asking you to leave.
What should you talk about?
It’s important that your conversations with your teen not focus just on the consequences of risky sexual behaviors. Many teens receive these messages in health education class or elsewhere. As a parent or guardian, you have the opportunity to discuss other related topics with your teen. You can:
- Talk about healthy, respectful relationships.
- Communicate your own expectations for your teen about relationships and sex.
- Provide factual information about ways to prevent HIV, STDs and pregnancy (such as abstinence, condoms and contraception, and HIV/STD testing).
- Focus on the benefits of protecting oneself from HIV, STDs and pregnancy.
- Provide information about where your teen can speak with a healthcare provider and receive sexual health services, such as HIV/STD testing.
What is HPV?
Human papillomavirus (HPV) is the most common sexually transmitted infection in the U.S. In fact, HPV is so common that the CDC estimates that almost every sexually active person will get HPV at some point if they don’t get vaccinated.
HPV is spread by having sex with someone who has the virus. It is most commonly spread during vaginal or anal sex, but it also spreads through close skin-to-skin touching during sex. A person with HPV can pass the infection to someone even when they have no signs or symptoms as those may not develop until years later. This makes it hard to know when you first got it.
In most cases (about nine out of 10), HPV goes away on its own within two years, but when it doesn’t, it can cause health problems like genital warts and cancer.
How can your teen avoid HPV?
Your teen can do several things to lower their chances of getting HPV – both now, as a teen, and in the future as they become young adults. These include:
- Get vaccinated. The HPV vaccine is safe and effective, and when given in the recommended age groups, can protect against diseases, including cancer, that are caused by HPV.
- Get screened for cervical cancer. Routine screening for women ages 21 to 65 years old can prevent cervical cancer.
- When sexually active:
- Use condoms correctly every time when having sex. This can lower the chances of getting HPV but may not fully protect against it since HPV can infect areas the condom does not cover.
- Be in a mutually monogamous relationship – in other words, have sex only with someone who doesn’t have sex with anyone else.
The CDC recommends HPV vaccination for all preteens at age 11 or 12 years (or starting as early as age 9) as well as everyone through age 26, if not vaccinated already. With some exceptions related to certain risk factors, vaccination is not recommended for everyone older than age 26.
For more tips on talking with your teen, visit the CDC’s webpage on positive parenting practices, and check out these resources for more information on HPV prevention:
- Read why the HPV vaccine is “nothing short of miraculous.”
- Learn more about the human papillomavirus – including “do’s and don’ts” in managing an HPV infection – from our friends at Carle Health.
- Watch this short video from Springfield Clinic to learn more about HPV, its dangers and how to help prevent it.
- Find out even more about the HPV vaccine from our partners at Reid Health and MultiCare Yakima Memorial Hospital.